I had not given the walking speed of Queen Elizabeth much thought until yesterday, when President Bonespurs, celebrating D Day, told us on TV that the Queen walked at the same rate he did. (That was his notion of a gentlemanly analysis, in which he granted the Queen one of his own characteristics.)
He wasn't telling the truth. I've seen them both walk.
As you know, walking consists of falling forward, catching yourself on one foot, then falling again and catching yourself with the other foot. And so on. Bonespurs--often filmed strolling across the tarmac in an airport--adds a flourish to the process. He goose-steps, keeping his flabby rotundity straight up while kicking out his long legs rotationally. He lunges along. He walks like Hitler.
Walking is partly a function of height, and Bonespurs claims to be six-three. He's actually more like five-eleven. Even so the Queen is half his height and bent like a paperclip. She would have to take four steps to each of Bonespurs' long goose-struts. The Queen doesn't have a quick turnover. There's no way she could keep up with him if, say, the two of them were running from a bear in Buckingham Palace. No one can run away as fast as Bonespurs.
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