The Captain of the Titanic

This is the captain of the Titanic. We just crushed a major iceberg. We won bigger than I said--I said we would win huge. The North Atlantic loves me. It always has. It loves me. People tell me there's never been a bigger victory in the history of  ships. That's right. People know I have a big brain, really big, and the best words. Lots of the best words. These icebergs are small, little things, but cold. Fine. I can be colder than they are. Everyone is telling me I am the coldest. Icebergs are losers.  They're ugly and low I.Q, somewhere in the mid-30s. You ever see an iceberg? They don't know what they're doing.