Romney Reveals He Is A Lesbian

In the last week of his Presidential campaign, former governor Mitt Romney has revealed that he is a 47-year-old black Latina lesbian who entered this country from Venezuela without documentation. Born in Kenya, Romney stated that he had been raised on welfare in Hollywood, California, supplemented with aid from the several Muslim temples where his family worshiped, while maintaining their status as atheists.

In a speech delivered in Chicago, Romney pledged that on Day One of his administration he would require every adult woman under 40 to undergo at least one free abortion. His new plan to tax billionaires at 107% surprised some observers, but a Rassmussen poll taken after the talk revealed that Republican support for Romney suddenly increased from 93% to 99%.