Intertarsals

THE ONION reminded us that there are still parts of the female body Republican men have not regulated. One example is the gaps between female toes. They drive conservative men mad, and who can blame them? Female intertarsals should be kept covered when in public, according to minority-president-elect Donny Trump, who plans to introduce legislation banning sandals on ladies on Inauguration Day. Women will be required to wear army boots. Critics have responded that he should be more concerned about regulating the photos of the First Lady’s bare bottom and bosom floating around on the Internet, but the minority-president-elect has pointed out that no parallel exists. The photographs were taken, sold and distributed with her father’s consent.