Two Heroes

When Ed Snowden asked me to return his library books--he was leaving for China in the morning--I said, "Sure." Also I paid his fines, which amounted to a dollar or two. My wife claimed he was using me, but I disagreed, reminding her that Ed had taken the time to show me how to smoke unfiltered cigarettes in the tenth grade. I argued that if Martin Luther King, that great man, had run away and gone to China, he'd still be alive today. Or maybe not.
 I agree that Ed is a different kind of hero than, say, Eleanor Roosevelt or Audie Murphy. Ed is modern, more like my other hero, the bonnacon, once found to the north of ancient Greece. The bonnacon resembled a thick-boned horse with the head of a bull. It defended itself by running away and releasing a fart strong enough to blow the helmets off an army of men. The gas was flammable and scorched a path for 100 yards behind the heroic steed. That might not be my grandfather's idea of a hero, but I move with the times.