Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Jeff Sessions Takes Out The Trash


Abbie Powe Sessions: Jeff, honey, did you take out the trash?

Jeff: I don’t recall.

Abbie Powe Sessions: I’m asking if you took out the trash after we asked you, son.

Jeff: I don’t recall you or anyone asking me to take out the trash, and I do not believe anyone in this family did ask me. I have no memory of that. 

Abbie Powe Sessions: Your father heard me ask you, and then he asked you, too. Jeff. Did you pick up a bag of beer cans and take it outside?

Jeff: Dad? He might have said something about beer cans, but that was this morning. I had a very busy day at school, and I don’t actually recall a conversation with Dad, but I believe I said to him that you should not be drinking Coors before breakfast. I have no memory of what he might have said, if he did. I talk to people all day long, just to say hello and so on. My day is confusing. You know how disorganized and underprepared I am at school. I’m failing chemistry, and It’s typical for me to speak to more than thirty people in one day. It’s a form of chaos.

Abbie Powe Sessions: Jefferson Beauregard, you’re lying again. And what have we told you about lying? Methodists don’t lie. When your father gets back from the dealership, he’ll have something to say to you.

Jeff: I resent that. You’re the one who’s lying when you accuse me of telling lies. That’s a big fat lie, a whopper. You did not ask me to take out the trash, and I’m not aware for anyone else who did, and I don’t believe it happened.

Abbie Powe Sessions: Never mind. I’ll take the trash out myself. Jesus H. Christ!


Jeff: You lose. And you’re going to Hell, Mom. 

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