Our local newspaper, the Corporate Democrat, is known for its despicable editorials, but that’s a little unfair. In Sunday’s paper the editors called again for cutting back the pensions offered to county workers. Pensions are “continuing to eat into funds needed for such things as road repair and public safety.” That makes sense once you understand that the richest country in world history cannot afford both pensions for public workers and road repair. It’s one or the other. Public safety is another issue. How can we afford to hire deputy sheriffs if we continue to give pensions to retiring deputy sheriffs?
The solution to this problem is obvious . We should convert pension plans into prison terms. When county workers retire we can arrest and try them for loitering and commit them to prison campuses for life. Once imprisoned the aged workers will be guaranteed food, clothing, shelter and the right to death with dignity. This plan deserves support from all classes of people. The rich will save on taxes. Many members of the building trades will find useful employment constructing the holding campuses, and there will be plenty of jobs for guards. That might sound as if we’d be creating more government workers, but when a guard retires, she will simply turn in her badge and gun and put on a prisoner’s grey uniform and mingle with the other old and useless inmates. Everyone wins.
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