The Glutenous

Wheat was the first crop humans planted and harvested, about 11,000 years ago, and after that brief taste test, we can see today what a disaster it has been for our civilization. That insight is why you can now go to Safeway and buy gluten-free dog food. 

Gluten is a protein, of course, found in wheat, barley, etc. This protein can do great harm to the bowels of people with celiac disease, about 1% of the current American population, and it has already done immense damage to another 39% of the population who blame gluten for their sensitive stomachs and so on. This second group--the sensitive 39%--have not been diagnosed by our failed medical doctors, who claim to have found no link between gluten and physical ailments. 

We are much too smart these days to let western science fool us about gluten or climate change or vaccinations or fluoridated water. Scientists--what are they good for?

The second group of suffering Americans--the 39%-- have mostly been diagnosed by talk therapists, diet authors or by themselves. Self-diagnosis is inexpensive and easy. Simple reasoning helps you detect what has gone wrong. For example, if you drink a glass of water and later on you get a stomach ache, you should stop drinking water. The key insight here is that correlation is causation.  What comes first causes what comes second. The final step comes after you stop drinking water when you realize you no longer have a stomach ache. (See the key insight above.)

Western medical science--and for that matter the Asians, who adore gluten--has found no reason to link gluten to health problems, but there are possible medical problems with wheat. Apples, wheat, honey, watermelons, mangoes, milk, ice cream, garlic and onions contain fermentable oligosaccharides and polyols, which actually can cause mild discomfort in some eaters on occasion. You should give these foods up, leaving them to the likes of the Chinese and me, who are immune. When I see a chocolate eclair it is almost my duty to eat it quickly and keep it out of the hands of my friends, unless they are from Asia, where gluten (not wheat) is often baked into chewy little balls in a red sweet sauce. I admit that gluten balls taste good. I order mine with extra gluten.

Today you can buy almost anything you want to eat in a non-gluten form. The gluten has typically been replaced by fat and sugar to improve its ugly non-gluten taste. Nothing beats fat and sugar. You can probably recall when talk therapists and dietitians were saying that fat and sugar and MSG were bad for you, but now scientists are telling the truth. MSG is chemically harmless!  Good God! Who knew? Things change. Now you can't eat enough junk food, just stay away from gluten. 

I know what medical doctors claim, which is that there is no test of any sort that can confirm non-celiac gluten sensitivity, which they claim is probably an imaginary disease.  Forget science. Just stop eating gluten. A billion Chinese will thank you and more will be left for me.