Romney Addresses the Snake Handlers Convention

Good morning and God Bless America, my friends. We are here today to salute the Pentecostal Holiness movement. As Luke wrote, "Behold I give unto you power to tread on serpents," which is why I am standing on a garter snake. As you know, this gives me the ability to heal the sick by touching them with my fingers--we are a long way from ObamaCare, aren't we? Yes, I learned how to cure from a close evangelical companion, Moe Szyslak. And in response to your shouts, I read only the King James Version of the Bible. That's it, my friend. The Book of Mormon is demonic. Also, I am not lying, as far as you know.