The following is a true story. I can vouch for it.
A UCLA graduate I know named Tom Icywalker died recently and found himself standing in front of St. Peter, asking to be admitted to heaven. St. Peter thumbed through the Book of Life to determine if Icewalker was eligible. Icywalker just stood there shuffling his feet like a deck with two cards.
"Icywalker," the saint finally said, "I find nothing in your life that might get you into heaven, not even one good deed. Have I missed something?"
"Yes," Tom replied. "Once, while on a trip to Wasilla, I met Sarah Palin. She was clubbing baby seals to death for fun."
"What did you do?"
"I rebuked her."
"What did you say?"
"I called her a five-gallon buckethead--have you seen the size of her melon?"
St. Peter leafed through the Book of Life again. "That's excellent," he said, "but I can't find a mention of the incident here. Help me out. When did it happen?"
"About a minute ago."
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