The GOP Jumps the Shark

An expression in frequent use this year is "jumping the shark." It traces back to an ancient and sappy TV series called HAPPY DAYS and a character based on Marlon Brando's performance in THE WILD ONE. That character, of course, was the Fonz, Arthur Fonzarelli, who swaggered about in a black leather jacket, rode a motorcycle, and excelled at anything he put his hand to. In one episode of this long running sit com, the Fonz takes up water skiing, goes shooting across the ocean, encounters a large shark and jumps it. This ridiculous, over-the-top encounter was so silly that HAPPY DAYS never filmed another episode, according to myth. (It's safe to doubt that this jump had any real connection to the worn-out series ending as it did.)

So "jumping the shark" means going too far, becoming ridiculous and failing through excess. The GOP Presidential candidates, for example, have jumped the shark. Ron Paul demands we go back to the gold standard. Pretty Rick Santorum, fixated on gay men, has compared their love to "man on dog sex." Newt Gingrich wants to build a colony on the moon and make it the 51st state. Anchor baby Mitt Romney plans to treat 11 million undocumented workers with such cruelty that they will flee back to their nations of origin, particularly to Mexico, where his own father was born.

Spinner Vs. Spinner

The most boring news event on television is two spinners confronting one another. This is what passes for fair coverage on CNN. The host gathers together the assistant chair of the Republican Party and the assistant chair of the Democratic Party, and the two of them recite baloney manufactured by their propaganda machines. No one learns anything. Nothing could be less interesting.

NBC has a cheaper variant. On MEET THE PRESS the nameless host saves time by inviting only one spinner, then takes the chore of the opposite spinner into his own oafish hands. When interviewing a Democratic spinner, the nameless host become a Republican spinner. If he's talking to a Republican spinner, the nameless host assumes the mask of a Democratic spinner.

The best defense against the mindless waste of time called spinning is to flip to a different channel. The minute you spot a spinner, flip. Look for panel shows where the participants are analysts or historians. Some panels contain spinners, so remain alert.

Gilligan's Republicans

I'm sure someone has done this obvious task before--recast Gilligan's Island with the comics running for the Republican nomination. Gilligan, of course, will be played by Ron Paul, who is comically bumbling and dimwitted by nature. Michelle Bachmann as the irate Skipper. Thurston Howell is a fine role for Mitt Romney, and the useless Professor fits Newt Gingrich perfectly. Finally, the seductive Rick Santorum as Ginger, whose specialty is the reverse cowgirl.

And now for something completely different.

Mitt Romney is an Anchor Baby

This is how it goes. The father of little Mitty was a Mexican named George Romney, born in Mexico. George's Mormon father had moved to Mexico because polygamy was legal there (or ignored). Events during the Mexican Revolution frightened George's father, so the family fled to the United States when George was a child. Once George grew up and fathered Mitty, George had his anchor baby and could not be sent back to the land of his birth.

Now if you want to quibble, you might argue that George Romney's parents were American citizens or at least citizens of Utah all along. You might claim that Mitty was grandfathered into citizenship. I'm prepared to be reasonable. The way I see it, Mitt Romney is a perfect candidate for the Dream Act.

Local Banks

As some of you know, Occupy Healdsburg is urging people to move their money from the huge corporate national banks to smaller local banks, because the local banks actually use the money locally. That helps our economy. The Press Democrat this Sunday points out a good example. First Community Bank, Exchange Bank, and Luther Burbank Savings are lending money to Habitat for Humanity to buy foreclosed homes and rehab them for low income families. I have moved my money from Bank of America to Exchange Bank, which offers scholarship money (when possible) for junior college students.

Yesterday more than 300 people attended a memorial celebration of the life of Bob Boardman, a huge turnout from all over. Bob's gusto and positive attitude were maintained right to the end. His kith and kin did him proud on Sunday. We won't see his like again. He left an aching absence in our town and in my life.

The Windsor Democrats held a candidates' presentation forum for Democrats running for congress in our new district. In the end they made no endorsement. County Supervisor Mike McGuire read a letter from Assemblyman Jared Huffman. Jason Liles endorsed Stacey Lawson of San Rafael. For what it is worth--very little?--I support Normon Solomon, a sensible progressive with a long local record of working actively for peace and for help for those in need.

Vulture Capitalism

Vultures, we understand, are nature's useful dead flesh eaters. They soar high in a blue California sky, occasionally joined by their even larger cousins, the condors. I don't know if they are protected, but I would never harm one. They perch near the dying, then consume the carrion, recycling the calories, leaving behind nothing but bones and a little skin. Also I would never take a turkey vulture home because they stink of rotting meat and death.

Mitty Romney devoted his short working life to running up his inherited wealth, perching near companies in trouble, selling off their assets, taking out huge loans, then eating the dying companies, leaving behind only skin and bones. In some cases this sort of thing is probably needed in a capitalist economy. Maybe its useful. It's legal. But you wouldn't make a vulture President--he stinks of death.

Mitty Romney's Stand up Comedy

In the last day or two we've gotten a taste of Mitty Romney's sense of humor. He started by telling us that he "enjoyed" being able to fire people whose services didn't meet his needs (he was discussing health care). Romney was half-smiling, being daring. Many of us have changed doctors or dentists at one time or another, of course, but how many of us actually "enjoy" firing people? How oblivious do you have to be in order to take pleasure in crushing care providers?

In Romney's circle everyone who counts is rich. They might get his jokes. (Romney ranks as about the 3,000th richest person in the USA.)

For his next joke, Romney told us that during his senate campaign against Ted Kennedy, he spent so much money that he forced Kennedy to raise opposition money by mortgaging his house. That anecdote, a real knee slapper, was meant to endear Romney to the Republican primary voters by mocking the departed Massachusetts liberal.

Have we ever seen a major Presidential candidate with less ability to relate to voters with ordinary incomes?